Dark Shadows Movie Review

Hello there everyone. A few weeks ago I went ahead and watched Dark Shadows. When we as viewers began to see the trailer, there was a bit of a controversy. Any one who had watched the show knew that the story was a rather serious one, however director Mr. Tim Burton's film seemed to be a slap-stick comedy.

After speaking to a friend of mine who felt that the film wouldn't meet Burton's standards from his past projects (Nightmare Before Christmas, Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, and 9 just to name a few) because of what she had viewed from the trailer. As an avid movie go-er, I know that we can rarely rely on trailers, as many a movie has had a fantastic trailer filled with comedy and action, and the film itself is a flop. Or the trailer is almost disgraceful, but the film was so wonderful that it was winning awards left and right.

So of course, I needed to create my own opinion. At the theater, there was this fantastic cardboard scene with the most comfortable chair for fans to sit, and have their picture taken.

So..naturally i figured I'd get the full  experience.

The film begins in England at a port and Barnabus Collins (Johnny Depp) is narrating his story. He is a young boy with his parents ready to  move to America where his parents are hoping to start a fishing business. Before getting on the ship, young Barnabus turns around to see a young girl with her mother. The mother calls her Angelique, and tells her not to stare and to remember her place.

After docking in Maine,  Mr. Collins sets right upon building their fishing business, and the town that grows with it is called Collinsport. Mr. Collins also finds the perfect place to build his families new home, showing the structure of the mansion to Mrs. Collins and Barnabus. At that point the film fast forwards to Barnabus being in his 20s, where he has everything he wants. His home, Collinwood, has been completed, and he is living the high life...until he tells Angelique that he does not love her after making out with her in a secluded part of the manor. At this point, Barnabus meets the woman he truely loves, a woman named Josette duPres. Overcome by jealousy, Angelique shows that she is a witch, firsts by causing a disaster in the Collins family that creates an obsession with spells and incantations for Barnabus. But after realizing that he refuses to change his mind, she puts Josette under a spell that causes her to throw herself off of a cliff to her death. Barnabus is so torn with grief that he too throws himself off the cliff.

However, he lifts his head, realizing he is still alive, lying next to the broken body of his love. Then, his transformation begins. His nails grow incredibly long, his ears point slightly, and as his fangs grow, his eyes begin to bleed, and Angelique stands upon the cliff, watching as she destroys his life.

But her revenge does not stop here. As Barnabus is now a vampire, he must feed, and feeds upon human villagers. Angelique sells him out, and he is buried alive.

Two hundred years later, 1972, a young girl is sitting on an Amtrak train, ready to introduce herself to the family she will be living with as a governess. She feels that her own name, Maggie Evans, sounds odd, so she changes it to Victoria Winters, and plans on asking the family to call her Vicky. When she gets to the manor, she meets Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, the now owner of Collinwood, her daughter Carolyn, her brother Roger, the servents-William Loomis and old Mrs. Johnson. At dinner, Vicky also meets Dr. Julia Hoffman, a psychiatrist to David (Roger's son) who is the boy Vicky is now governess to. Also, a figure under a sheet with  two holes poked out for eyes comes out, but Elizabeth tells David to sit down. David tells Vicky that he wanted to scare her. At dinner, David says that he can hear his dead mother talking to him, and knows she's there (hence Dr. Hoffman's presence at the manor for the past 3 years). Vicky tells David that she does not think he is crazy, and believes in ghosts herself.

That night, the ghost sheet re-appears, and Vicky asks David what is the matter. When he doesn't answer, she removes the sheet, revealing the ghost of Josette, who claims "He's Coming" but doesn't say who. She hovers to the grand chandelier in the entrance of the house, and Vicky follows her. Josette hovers above the chandelier and again says "he's coming" then "help me" as she falls from the chandelier and through the floor, just as she had on the cliff 200 years earlier.

At this point, a construction crew is digging out in the woods, making a McDonald's, but they hit something. They see that it is a coffin wrapped in chains, and they open it. All of the construction workers are killed, and Barnabus tells the last of the workers that he is sorry for this, but that he is incredibly thirsty.

Barnabus makes his way to Collinwood, and meets with Elizabeth, and tells her who he is. After some convincing she believes him, but asks him to keep it a secret between the two of them. He meets the family the next day, and they claim that he is from England, a long lost relative who has come to help restore their fishing business. 

At this point, we discover that Angelique herself never died, and destroyed the Collins' fishing business, and bought out all of the wharfs, and practically owns Collinsport. When she realizes that Barnabus is released, she attempts to make him love her once again.

From this point on, we learn many secrets about the family and Vicky. For one, Vicky is a reincarnation of Josette, and Barnabus is well aware of this, and does fall in love with her, and she for him, even stating that she feels as though they've known each  other forever. Naturally, Angelique is not pleased, and wants revenge yet again. 

I will stop here. I only covered barely the first part of the film, but after this we learn so much about the family, that if you have never seen the series, I'd hate to spoil it for you. 

The film is very dark, and does have it's funny moments, but overall it is a dark. Although the family is indeed supernatural, anyone could find someone to relate to in the movie. I myself relate to David Collins and Victoria Winters. They are both black sheep, and so am I, and I felt for both of them.

Now let's analyze, shall we?

 Did the trailer do it justice? It definitely did not. The trailer left out so much of the intense emotion that is in the film, and only did the comedic parts, but while watching the movie you'll find that it is so much more than that.

If you've been afraid that it would not meet Burton's standards, I  don't think you'd be disappointed with the movie. It has all the elements of a fantastic movie for history and fantasy lovers alike. This is a must watch.

Season Of The Witch

Okay, so Season of the Witch starring Nicolas Cage and Ron Perlman is a fantastic movie with religion, history, and of course superstition.

The film starts off in a town called Villach where three women who are bound in chains are being taken to a bridge, where there is a priest waiting for them. He states that they are accused of witchcraft and consorting with the Devil. The youngest girl is madly crying that she has done nothing wrong, but the priest says that if they repent they shall be saved. The woman in the middle says that she was mixing a medicine from simple earthly ingredients as was not witchcraft. The youngest then confesses (in order to save herself), and the eldest who is blind in one eye tells the priest that he is going to burn in hell. She is the first to be hung, then the middle woman, and then comes the youngest who reminds the priest that he said she would be saved, but he says that her soul will be saved, but the body must be destroyed, and she too is hung. The soldiers lower the bodies into the water, and begin to leave. The priest says that the bodies must be brought up and that he must read from The Book of Solomon to ensure they do not come back to life, but the soldiers leave anyway.

The priest brings up the first two bodies, the first without trouble, the second begins to seize and he hurriedly reads the inscription and as he finishes the body stops moving. Then the final body of the old woman is brought up, but he finds it difficult. He is pulled into the water and something tries to keep him there. The old woman comes out of the water and kills him.

The movie then goes forward a century to the Crusades where two knights named Behmen (Cage) and Felson (Perlman) are ready to fight. They have a short dialogue over who will be buying their drinks that night, concluding that whoever kills the least will buy. Felson says that he'll take the 300 on the left and Behman can take the 300 on the right, to which Behman asks who will buy the drinks if they kill an equal amount. Felson says that Behman is going to buy anyway.

The film shows the countless battles the two knights fight in during the crusades until they reach a city where Behmen accidentally kills a woman. After the battle, he announces that he made an oath to fight God's enemies, not to kill innocent people then with Felson, they leave the Order.

While traveling they come across a farm house, and when they enter they find an old couple lying in a bed stricken with Bubonic Plague. They burn the house and take two of the farm's horses and make their way to a city called Marburg where they are discovered as deserters of the Crusades, the punishment for which is death, and are arrested but before taken to the jail, a priest asks if they are the deserters and has them taken to the Cardinal (Sir Christopher Lee) who has been infected with the plague as well. He tells them that a witch has put a spell on the land, resulting in plague. He says that she must be taken to a group of monks who possess the last copy of The Book Of Solomon from which words must be spoken to destroy the witch. Behmen and Felson refuse, and are sent to the jail. Across from them they see the girl accused of witchcraft, but Behmen doesn't see a witch, just an ordinary girl. He decides that they will take her to the monks but only if she gets a fair trial, and all charges upon them are dropped.

One of the knights from the village, the priest, and a swindler go with them, but not long after they begin the journey, they find that one of the altar boys has been following him. Deciding to let him join, they continue. The journey to the monastery is long and trecherous, 2 members of the group die, but finally they reach the monastery. However, the monks too have died from the plague, and also have tied themselves to tables while they were copying the book of solomon. The priest begins to perform the ritual, but now a fight begins to vanquish a truly Hellish adversary.

Season of the Witch is a great film, I think. The parts that were CGI could have been done a bit better, but it wasn't so bad that it looked fake. Make-up was fantastic, the dead and plague stricken looked frightening, and I honestly was terrified in the theater. This time in history is one of my favorite topics to talk about, and it was a great take on the plague's causes. Naturally we know what truly caused the plague, but this movie was great for the imagination and the writing and dialogue were perfect. There was a character everyone can identify with, the friend you do NOT want to piss off but can't help messing with, that guy you just HATE but know you need them, and the kid we all were growing up~ always wanting to be the best and prove our worth.

The whole movie, you're wondering who the real villain is. Is it the priest? Is the girl REALLY a witch? Is Ron Perlman the witch?! no, you don't think that but it's a valid question. It's Ron Perlman, and he will be whatever he wants.

Back on topic, the backgrounds were fantastic. Although a decent amount was done with green screen, they did film in Austria, Croatia, and Hungary as well.

After watching the film a second time just yesterday, I didn't notice anything to really make fun of in the film. Cage is kinda funny in general. That stare he has was all over this movie, and the altar boy even called Perlman "Old Man" and you just knew that this would NOT end well.


Well, that's my review for Season Of The Witch. Yes it wasn't as entertaining to read, but trust me on this. Watch the film if you want to see something with great acting, a non-cliche ending, an ton of great action, and a well written script and plot. It's definitely worth your time and definitely worth stealing your friend's Netflix password and watching on your computer.

Titanic 3D

Okay, so on Friday I watched Titanic in 3D with some friends. Now I'm not a big fan of the film (someone who doesn't like Titanic? Shocking, i know.) but I do love the atmosphere and the characters. The story is more about Jack and Rose than the actual event, but the film does make a point of showing what happened, how it happened, and why it happened.

I have read a date by date diary of one of the crewmembers who did get away who recorded what was happening as it happened, so i'd love to see a film about the actual event, but it truly is a great film, it's a classic, no one will ever forget this film or the event because of how James Cameron has installed in into our memories.

So let's talk about the story for those who like me, never saw the film all the way through and didn't know how it began, or people who just feel that they don't want to see it.

It starts out with an expedition to the Titanic wreck. The expedition is one of many trips to search the wreckage of Titanic to find a diamond called The Heart of the Ocean, a blue diamond that costs more than the Hope Diamond. They find a safe which belonged to a man named Cal Hockley, and bring it aboard the boat and empty it, but it's only filled with documents. Nonetheless, their team takes one of the papers and tries to see what's on it, and they find a drawing of a naked woman wearing the diamond that's dated the night of the event and signed "J.D.".

The man in charge, Brock Lovett is desperate to find out who she was (as everyone who was on board is dead, and if alive would have to be over 100 years old) and he speaks with a news anchor and they show the picture. He gets a phone call from an old woman who is about to be 102 named Rose Dawson Calvert who reveals herself as Rose Dewitt Bukater. She recounts her story which begins the story of how the event came to be, and the life of a fictional passenger and the story of her time upon the great ship.

Rose, Cal, and Rose's mother Ruth board the ship, and it shows that they are of a high class society. Cal and Rose are engaged, and Ruth makes it clear throughout the flashback about how important it is that Rose marries Cal in order to settle their serious financial problems.

At the same time a young man named Jack Dawson and a friend of his win tickets to America on board the Titanic at a game of poker and just barely make it to the ship on time. They almost are unable to board as a crewmember asks if they went through lice inspection, to which Jack says "We're Americans, we don't have lice." and the crew member allows them to board.

Rose tells everyone that she had had it with her high life family, always being told what to do and how a lady should act. She felt that she had no way out so she runs to the stern of the ship ready to jump off, but Jack hear's her crying and is able to stop her. Everyone thinks that she slipped and he rescued her so he is invited to eat dinner with the family the following night.

The next day, the ship's designer takes Rose, Ruth, and Cal on a tour of the ship, and tell Rose about the lifeboats, that there are only enough to take half of the passengers aboard, and that the company thought that having the appropriate amount of lifeboats would take up too much space.

After the dinner, Jack invites Rose to the E deck (the lower classes) to party with them to a live band, wild dancing and drinking and arm wrestling.

The next day, Ruth and Cal forbid Rose from ever seeing Jack again, and Cal reveals his true colors when Rose tells him that she is his fiancee and not one of his workers in the steel mill, to which he responds by yelling at her and throwing the table between them and slapping her. Later that night, he gives her the Heart of the Ocean as an engagement gift.

Rose tries to refuse Jack's advances, but in the end realizes that she loves him and wants to be with him. They meet at the bow where he tells her to get on the rail and that he'll hold her and she puts out her arms and opens her eyes. Hence this famous shot

"I'm flying, Jack"

Anywho, they go back to her cabin, she puts on the Heart of the Ocean and tell Jack that she wants him to draw her nude with only the diamond around her neck.

They then go about the ship running from Cal's buddy who is stalking Rose. They end up in the cargo hold of the ship, have sex in a car in the hold, run to the deck.

At this point the crew realizes that instead of being peeping toms at Rose and Jack they should pay attention to the huge ass iceberg that's dead ahead that they can't avoid. They try, and it rips a hole in the side of the ship. Jack overhears the crew members talking about the damage at the bottom of the ship and that they are in danger, and Rose tells Jack that she needs to tell Cal and her mother. They go to Rose's compartment where Cal has Jack searched, and they find the Heart of the Ocean in the jacket he is wearing which isn't even his. Rose doubts him, and believes that he might have stolen the diamond as the jacket clearly isn't his. Once Rose and Cal are alone, he hits her. The ships designer comes in and tells Rose what has happened and that the ship is going to sink and that she needs to get to a boat quickly and to not tell anyone unless she absolutely has to remember what he told her about the boats.

At the lifeboats, Cal reveals that he planted the diamond on Jack, and Rose runs to find him on the E deck, which is being filled with water. Jack is handcuffed to a pipe, and Rose uses an ax to cut him free. The try to get out at the upper levels, but the crew members have locked the gates. At one of the gates, Jack and some other men unhinge a bench and use it as a battering ram against the gate.

On deck, Cal tricks Rose into thinking that if she gets into a lifeboat now, he and Jack can get on a boat on another side of the ship. But Rose can't bear to be away from Jack so she jumps from the lifeboat back onto the ship.

Cal does get on a lifeboat by pretending he has a child and is a single father. Rose and Jack end up on the stern of the ship when the boat snaps in half, and the stern is about to go under. When it does, Jack finds a wall panel that will hold Rose above the water, but when he tries to get on it with her, it tries to capsize. He tells her to stay on it, and he stays in the water, telling her that she cannot say good bye and that she needs to survive no matter what it takes and tells her to never let go of this promise. One of the boats returns hours later, and Rose tries to wake Jack but realizes that he has already died. She tells Jack's body that she'll never let go, kisses his hand a final time, and lets his body sink to the bottom of the Atlantic. She tries to yell for the boat to return, but she's too weak and they cannot hear her. She jumps into the water and swims to a near by crewmember who had been blowing a whistle before he died, and she uses it to alert the lifeboat.

A ship does come for them, and the survivors are boarded on it. Cal looks for Rose, as he has forgotten that he'd put the diamond in his coat, and then had put the coat on Rose, but she hides from him, and he assumes that she never made it and that the diamond is gone.

When the ship arrives in New York City, Rose is asked what her name is and she says that it is Rose Dawson. She puts her hand in the coat pocket and realizes that the diamond is in it.

The flashback ends, and old Rose (who does not reveal that she has the diamond to Brock) tells them that this is the first time that she has recounted what happened back then to another person, and tells her granddaughter that she has never even spoken of Jack even to her husband. When told that no records were ever found on Jack, she isn't surprised, and says that he only exists now in her memories.

That night, Rose walks to the stern of the expedition boat and takes the diamond out which is when the audience realizes that she had it the whole time all those years, and she throws it into the water. The film goes forward to Rose asleep in her bed, and the camera shows pictures of her life in America based on things that Jack told her about and that she wanted to do with him once they got there. In what appears to be a dream sequence, young Rose is reunited with Jack back on the Titanic with all of her friends and family there and they applaud at their reunion.


Okay now for the review. Now the film IS good, but I do have some points about it. The lines are extremely cheesy such as the "i'll never let go" and "i'm flying". In the film itself, they aren't funny, but the second the movie is over, i'm laughing at these lines.
Also while watching it, I realized something. When Rose is on the wall panel, her heels are still on her feet. Now come on, that's pretty unrealistic. She was sucked down into the ocean, how would heels stay on her feet??

Another thing, it is not worth the extra money for 3D. When I think 3D, i'm thinking of things popping out of the screen at me. "Digitally enhanced" would have been a better description of the film.

Other than that, despite my personal feelings about the film and it's cheesiness, it is a great movie, and a great love story. It's a classic, and should always be given a chance.

Mirror Mirror Review

Okay, so today I went to see "Mirror Mirror" starring Julia Roberts, Lily Collins, Nathan Lane, and  Armie Hammer. Be warned that there ARE spoilers in this review. I will not give away the ending, but there will be spoilers.

The first time I watched the trailer, I thought it was damn adorable, but the more I began to see it and hear about it on the radio, it ended up becoming a nuisance to my everyday life. But today, my grandmother decided  "Hey, I've got the day off, your done with your classes, let's go do something fun like see Mirror Mirror."

So first off I want to talk about the dwarfs.

In complete honesty, I was baffled that she wanted to see it, as for the past month she's been saying that she doesn't want to see it because she doesn't think dwarfs are funny and she doesn't like how they are used for comic relief.

And I agree with her. Look how many Snow White films have been made, and who is the comic relief? Exactly, the dwarfs. Even in the film, Prince Alcott blatantly says that the seven are funny because they are "short, runts, minuscule" and a few other demeaning names. However, they laugh it off and make fun of him for being so original in his insults until he calls them "children". In the theater I was immediately thinking "shit's about to go down" and it does....off screen. Actually not even off screen, we don't even hear what happens. However we are shown the embarrassing aftermath of his lesson in common decency towards others.

This made me happy that the Dwarfs made it clear in the film that they do not like being subjected to such prejudice and idiocy. In the film, they even say what they used to do. One of them was a teacher for God's sake!

Happily they are treated the way all humans should be treated, although it's because Snow White lied. I might be reading a bit too much into this, but the dwarfs are thieves in the film. They were cast out by the evil Queen's law to "get rid of uglies and undesirables".  One of the dwarfs named Half-Pint (there's a reason, and it's not about height.) states that they shouldn't help the townsfolk because the townsfolk didn't help them when the law was posted in the village. It's at this point that they tell Snow White that they weren't always thieves. Examples: Butcher was a butcher (wooow), Half-pint was a bartender in a pub, and Grimm was a teacher.

So let's get into the lie Snow White tells to make people like the dwarfs again. The queen wants to have a party to impress the prince but she's broke and raises taxes to get the money she needs to throw the party. So her right hand man Brighton (Nathan Lane) goes to the village and collects the taxes. He gets the money and then the caravan is attacked by the dwarfs who steal the gold and his clothes and keep the spoils to themselves. Snow White asks where they got the gold and they tell her and she says that they were really stealing from the villagers, so she goes to return it. Right when the mayor of the town tells the people that their gold has been returned the dwarfs show up and Snow White says something along the lines about how the seven are brave valiant soldiers who got them their money back, which isn't really true, and the dwarfs are loved.

Let's take a look at what happened here:

Broke Queen wants to throw party--> money must be taken from villagers---> villagers are starving---->villagers are lied to that an evil beast will kill them and the taxes are being used to keep them safe---> queen's servant takes (steals) gold----> dwarfs steal gold from servant---> snow white steals gold from dwarfs---> gold is given to villagers----> snow white says dwarfs returned the gold to them.

Hey kids guess what! If you ever screw up in life, make sure you have a friend who will make your screw up look good so people will like you!

Anyway, like I said, I'm probably reading into that too much. Anyway that's not even the lesson to be learned. Not remotely close.

So now about the story line:

A queen dies in childbirth, and the baby is spoiled by her father the King. He raises her, teaches her, the land is happy. He realizes however that perhaps he should get remarried. Which he does. For reasons unstated, he goes into the Dark Wood and never returns. The new queen is evil, the land is cursed, there's no money, Snow White is not allowed to go to parties, her only friends are the servants. She is told by the baker that she needs to see what's happening to the kingdom so she goes out into the woods.

A prince and his travel companion are out looking for adventure, and are ambushed by dwarfs posing as giants. The take the possessions, and tie the prince and his travel companion upside down to a tree. Snow White finds them and releases them, then goes to the village where an announcement is being put up that more taxes are needed to save them from the man eating beast in the woods. She returns to the castle where the Baker (who i should have mentioned before is like a mother to her) tells her that a prince is here and the queen is holding a party and that Snow White is to crash it.

At the party the prince and Snow meet again and realize who the other is. The queen sees Snow and has her dragged away. Snow gets confident and calls the queen out on her evil deeds and announces that the kingdom doesn't belong to the queen. The Queen wants her dead and sends her right hand man to take her into the woods and let the beast eat her.

The servant can't do it because the King was always kind to him, so he cuts her bindings and tells her to run. She runs right into a tree and is knocked out and wakes up in the home of the seven dwarfs who let her stay and teach her to fight.

Meanwhile at the castle and kingdom everyone thinks Snow is dead, and the queen asks the magic mirror for a love potion revealing that she used one on the dead King. The mirror tells her that she will eventually pay her dues for using magic, but the queen is angry and doesn't care what the consequences are. The mirror gives her a puppy love potion which turns the prince into a devoted puppy who does agree to marry the queen.

Snow and the dwarfs rescue him and break the spell. The queen is furious and the beast is set out to find Snow and kill her, and I'm going to stop there because the ending WAS phenomenal.

Okay so that's the story. And i hate it. The characters were great, but yeah this story is one of the top retold stories and there wasn't really too much about it that was different others than the prince and this man eating beast. But the film did get a bit dark at time...and kinda risque. A couple times the prince spanks Snow...with a sword...while they are fighting...it has kink written all over it.

The film wasn't bad, but it didn't blow me away at all. One thing I liked about it was that Snow wasn't this...little kid trapped in an 18 year old girls body. She wasn't whimsically floating about frightened of crap that wasn't really there. She had a reason to be scarred. There's a freaking man eating beast in this forest, people, who more than likely killed her father, it's what everyone in this film is afraid of! That's scary shit okay?

Now the acting...I didn't believe for a second that Lily was Snow White. I don't have a clue who she is, but seriously. MAKE UP YOUR MIND ON WHAT THE HELL YOU ARE. First she's talking to animals, then she's breaking rules, then she's unsure of herself, then she's a daredevil, then she's scared as hell, then she's about to die but doesn't seem THAT frightened (IF YOUR ABOUT TO BE EATEN BY A CREATURE YOU CAN'T SEE WOULDN'T YOU BE GOING INSANE?!) then she's a damn housewife who can cook, then she steals, then she's a freaking guidance counselor, and just LAJDFLAKSJ! I'm sorry but NO. This character was beyond the realm of dynamic! Of course I can't just blame her, I can blame the writers. Characters don't change THAT much in a matter of 24 hours!

Julia Roberts, oh how I love Julia Roberts....She was fantastic, I absolutely loved her. She was tricky, cunning, smart, beautiful, vain, and will kill you if you piss her off. THAT IS WHAT THE CHARACTER IS. And she played it off wonderfully thinking she's the cream of the crop, and she was blatantly cruel to Snow in front of a suitor.

Nathan Lane was wonderful as well. He was such a lapdog in this film but did it so well. Nathan is one of the finest actors the world has to offer, and he did not disappoint. I saw this film because of him and Julia Roberts.

I don't know who anyone else in this film was but Sean Bean who only had like one minute of screen time. But it's freaking Sean Bean, he's great.

All of the dwarfs did a fantastic job and I loved their spirit.

I hated the Prince. He reminded me of the princes in Into the Woods and "wood"nt you believe it? He says a line from Into the Woods! "The trees are just wood". I love Into the Woods, but come on.

Special effects were great. That's all I have to say. And if you see the film, at the end right before the credits LOOK AT THE CLOUDS. One is Snow, the other is the prince. It's actually kinda cool!

So to sum it up, dwarfs shouldn't be used for comic relief, Julia Roberts is a sexy evil queen, Nathan Lane is damn hilarious, and people aren't as dynamic as they made Snow White, and when you have two famous actors like Nathan Lane and Julia Roberts, you should give Sean Bean more screen time, and actually get famous actors (WHO ARE DAMN AWESOME) to be your prince and princess who every person on the damn planet will know so we aren't looking them up on wikipedia.

It was a great film for children, and it had adult humor. The setting was interesting, and it was entertaining, but it was a wee bit weak for my taste. But at the end of the day, I'll let you be the judge of this film.

Intro and Wrath of the Titans movie review

Hello there everyone. I'm The Deceptive Oracle, I'm 20 years old and a student looking for work.

I've decided to go ahead and do this blog to do movie reviews. I shall be doing really any movie, new ones in theaters, Disney, Dream Works, if you have a request feel free to ask me. I'm working on live video chats possibly through Oovoo or livestream if I can get the dang thing to work, so that I can actually speak to you about my movie reviews so you can give me spoken feedback, whether negative or positive, critique is the best way to learn and adapt. I may even start a special youtube account for this as well.

 I will not however accept racism, homosexual bashing, insults of gender, or any other nonsense. Everyone in the world IS entitled to opinion, but that does not mean it's alright to insult other based on gender, race, religion, political party, or sexual orientation, nor will i allow it once i start doing videos.

Now then! I believe I want to start off with a movie review: Wrath of the Titans. If you haven't seen it and wish to, you may continue to read without spoilers UNTIL I start talking about it. I'll be talking about the original Clash of the Titans first.

Today I saw Wrath of the Titans, and it was fantastic. The original Clash of the Titans never had a sequel, and although the remake did have some wonderful effects, it just didn't feel right to me. Some things I loved about the 2010 Clash of the Titans were using a Friesian horse for Pegasus, the design for Medusa and the Kraken, and other cgi creatures. However, the story line wasn't really what I expected as a fan of the original film. I did not like Calibos' design either. After seeing 2010 Clash of the Titans, I played God Of War: Ghost of Sparta, and the Kraken and Scylla looked very close in design. I'm not complaining, I absolutely loved it. I thought however that Clash of the Titans was as close as we'd get to a God of War movie.

If you have not seen the original Clash of the Titan's, here's the storyline:

It starts off with a king putting his wife and her child into a box (more than likely it is a coffin) and throwing her into the sea because she was impregnated by Zeus. As the coffin is thrown to the sea, a seagull flies away towards the mountains, where it then sheds it's form revealing that it is in fact Zeus. To punish the king for his behavior, he orders that Poseidon release the Kraken to destroy the kingdom. We do not, however, actually see the Kraken yet. He orders that the girl and the child, Perseus, are to be sent to a safe land, and they wash ashore to a land called Seriphos, where Perseus lives and grows.

Meanwhile, in the city of Joppa, a handsome man named Calibos, son of the sea goddess Thetis, is to marry the princess Andromeda, but Calibos being the cruel man that he is, has the audacity to slaughter all but one of Zeus' winged horses. Thetis begs Zeus to be merciful, but Zeus does not grant her this, he transforms Calibos into an ugly creature. In rage, Thetis decides that it's not fair to have the son of Zeus sit comfortable, and using her godly powers, sets Perseus into the old ampitheatre of Joppa. When he arrives, Zeus grants him gifts, a shield which is foretold to guard his life, a sword, and a helmet which grants the wearer invisibility. When he's there, he finds that if anyone wishes to marry the Princess, the suitor must answer a riddle, which changes every day. If he answers correctly, they are to be married, if he answers incorrectly, he is killed. (In the film, they are burned alive in bonfires in the city.) Perseus learns that Calibos is using a dark magic to bring Andromeda's soul to his swamp every night, and gives her the riddles that she asks, and finds and captures Pegasus- the last of Zeus' winged horses. He wears the helmet and learns the new riddle by following Andromeda's soul (which is being carried by a giant vulture) on the back of Pegasus and wearing his helmet of invisibility. He fights with Calibos after Andromeda's soul returns to her body.

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The next day, he goes to the palace and announces himself as a suitor. Andromeda (who doesn't realize that her soul has been seeing Calibos every night, believing that these are just dreams) recognizes him, saying that she saw him in a dream once. She begs him to not ask for the riddle, but he insists. The riddle is as follows:

In my minds eye
I see three circles joined in priceless harmony.
Two, full as the moon
One, hollow as a crown.
Two from the sea
Five fathoms down
One from the Earth
Deep under the ground

Perseus tells Andromeda that he does in fact know the answer, and pulls from behind his cloak the hand of Calibos wearing a ring with two pearls combined. It is the answer, therefor they are to be married.

That night Calibos goes to Joppa and stands before the statue of Thetis and begs her to grant him justice, but she tells him that he brought his troubles upon himself and that it is not justice that he seeks, but revenge.

Everything seems fine and peachy until Andromeda's mother Queen Cassiopeia boasts that her daughter is more beautiful than Thetis. There is a short earthquake and the head of the statue of Thetis talks her down for the audacity of speaking such in the goddesses temple, and now she must offer up her daughter, Andromeda, to be a sacrifice to the Kraken in three days. If Andromeda does not go, or they put another virgin maiden in her place, the Kraken will destroy Joppa.

At this point, the 2010 version of Clash of the Titans actually got it right, giant scorpions and all.

Then after Perseus kills the Kraken is when things got funny again. In the 2010 version, Perseus marries Io (who was not in the original film) but in the original, he marries the princess Andromeda.

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Now, let's talk about Wrath of the Titans.

The story is basically that men have stopped praying to the gods and they are dying. There are only 4 left: Zeus, Poseidon, Aries, and Hades. Zeus tells Perseus that he needs help because the father of the gods, Kronos (or Cronus) might be freed and will destory the world. In actual Greek mythology, he was overthrown by Zeus and locked away in Tartarus. This is basically the storyline in Wrath of the Titans, though they make many inferences that the three brothers Zeus, Poseidon, and Hades all overthrew their father together.

Regardless, Poseidon, Zeus, and Aries go to the underworld where Hades tricks them, and Aries reveals to be working with Hades to bring Kronos back to life by draining Zeus' power. Poseidon is badly wounded though we don't really see how, and transports himself to Perseus. Poseidon gives Perseus his trident and tells him that he's their last hope, and that he must find Poseidon's son who is with Queen Andromeda.

So he goes and picks him up, where they find out that Aries is still strong because Andromeda's army prays to him (Aries is the god of War) for help in their battles. Andromeda and a few soldiers go with Perseus to find Hephaestus who forged the three brothers weapons, Poseidon's Trident, Zeus' Lightning Bolt, and Hades' Pitchfork, which when brought together create the only weapon that can beat Kronos. Hephaestus agrees to assist them, and shows them a secret entrance into Tartarus, but one of the soldiers prays to Aries who finds them and kills the remaining soldiers as well as Hephaestus, leaving only Perseus, Agenor (son of Poseidon), and Queen Andromeda.

They reach Tartarus after going through a Labyrinth which continues to change, where they find Zeus who has been drained of most of his powers, and Kronos is beginning to wake.

I don't want to give away the rest, so i'll stop there. That's the gist of the film.

We are either all dead, or we win.

Okay, so here's some of what I didn't like about the film. The beginning was very slow, but then suddenly the film was taking all kinds of flips and turns, and was rushed. The film really wasn't that long either. For this kind of film, I prefer them to be longer. For example: It's pretty hard for me to sit through the 2005 version of King Kong for 3 hours. The action (when it was there) did keep me entertained, but it really wasn't much different from any of it's predacessors save for cgi and Jack Black.

Wrath of the Titans however isn't a remake. It was a sequel to a film that's only been remade one time. I wanted to see much much more for the story line, and I was hoping for more creatures than what it gave. As far as creatures, there really werent that many, and for a few of them it was really difficult to tell what they were because the camera kept flying around. The only creatures I got a good look at were what I believe were Hell Hounds, Cyclops, a Minotaur, and Makhai. But there were other creatures in the film where the camera wasn't on them long enough for the audience to figure out what they were.

Now what I did like about the film. This film was fantastic with cinematography. After the boring as Hell intro, I was on the edge of my seat every second. Remember what I said before about how I thought 2010 Clash of the Titans was as close as we'd get to a God of War film? Wrath of the Titans devilivered for me. I still want it to get it's own film like crazy, but this film just had my mind flying. Honestly, every scene where Ares was being a complete and utter attention whore, I wanted to yell "WHERE THE ARE YOU KRATOS?!". Kronos looked amazing, and the second I saw him, I was thinking "oh my god it's Thera. Atlantis is doomed". My heart was going crazy wanting the character(s) to get out of that one. Kronos really was done very well, and you could definitely tell that we're all pretty much walking corpses with this guy.

I also loved how Bubo the owl made a brief appearance in this film. Bubo was a huge deal in the original Clash of the Titans, and was only given a second glance in the 2010 film, so to see his cameo appearance in Wrath of the Titans, this pleased me, even if it was just for one scene.

Well, overall it was a great movie, it made me beg for more. I wish it had been abit longer and hadn't rushed the fight scenes, but I did enjoy it very much. I don't think I will ever buy the 2010 version of Clash of the Titans, but I'd definitely buy Wrath of the Titans, and I plan on watching it a few more times.


Well that's it for today. This is The Deceptive Oracle and thank you for reading.